A Child of the Stars
by Lastsyns
Summary: A night that neither one of them remembers results in something that neither one of them expected. The universe has never been kind to him and instead of the family, he dreamed of he finds himself building a new one with someone he never expected to fall for.
1. Chapter 1

The Doctor was drunk. That much was obvious to Rose as he danced around the control room with a bottle of brandy in one hand and a large smile on his slightly flushed face. Their party had continued from her flat to the TARDIS after the ash had slightly dampened his spirit. Her agreeing to go with him had changed that quickly and they had moved the party from the flat to the TARDIS after her mum had headed to bed. From there the alcohol flowed freely as the Doctor made his way through his collection. Still, it was nice to see as her old Doctor would become angrier and brooding the drunker he became. This Doctor was at least happy at the moment.

"Dance with me," he called out to her.

"You can't dance," Rose laughed.

"Maybe not in my last body but this body is untested and I want you Rose Tyler to dance with me," he told her. She held out her hand for him and he smiled broadly at her as he spun around the console. As he neared she reached for the bottle of brandy and his smile faded quickly into a pout.

"I'm not taking it away," she informed him. He raised his eyebrow at her then proceeded to take another drink of the alcohol before pressing the bottle into her other hand. She took a long drink of it feeling it burn all the way to her stomach. She took another drink then set the bottle on the Captain's chair as she reached for his hand again. He took it and this time she allowed him to pull her towards him. Within a few moments, two things were clear to her, despite the haziness that was starting to cloud her judgment. One, that he still couldn't dance despite his eagerness and the second thing was that there wasn't just brandy in that bottle. There was something different about it as she could already feel it helping her body to relax.

She pressed herself closer to him wrapping one arm around his waist as she took the other hand. He smiled as he did the same pulling her against his body. The music changed to a slower song and they swayed together as they made their way slowly around the console. She was surprised when she a hardness forming at his groin and pressing against her as she danced. She tried to remember if she had ever noticed the Doctor get stiff before but she couldn't think clearly. It didn't stop her own body from answering and she breathed a little quicker as she felt a small ache. It had been months since she had sex with Mickey and she wanted the Doctor. She leaned up kissing his neck softly and he looked at her with surprise.

"Rose," he squeaked as he started to pull away. She held onto him as she spoke again.

"I can feel that you want me, Doctor. Would it really be so terrible for you to just give in to those feelings?" She wondered.

"I'm a Time Lord," He reminded her. She rolled her eyes.

"So, dance with me," She said speaking the same words that he had told her earlier. He froze as she leaned forward kissing his neck again. A soft growl escaped him and she paused wondering if she had made a mistake. Her question was quickly answered as he pressed his mouth to hers kissing her deeply. Letting go of her hand, he moved both to her waist and lifted her so that she was sitting on the edge of the console. They didn't stop kissing as he helped her to remove her own jeans and knickers. She spread her legs wide allowing him to step in between them. She reached out unzipping his trousers and he let her free his erection from the confines of his clothing.

"Rose," he whispered against her mouth almost reverently as she held onto his cock and helped him to guide it into her body. She threw her head back gasping as he penetrated her. He was larger than Mickey and she could feel the stretch despite the wetness between her legs. She had always imagined sex with him in a bed as they slowly explored each other's bodies and he brought her over the edge with gentle thrusts. The reality was different, almost carnal, as he thrust into her quickly. His hand crept between them and he rubbed the little nub as he kissed her deeply. She panted his name into his mouth, squeezing around him as she fell over the edge with a shout. He followed her a short time later pressed deeply into her body. He surprised her with how quiet he was as he stood there an almost pained expression on his face. He then pulled out, tucking himself back into his trousers.

She watched on, speechless as he did what the Doctor did best. Grabbing the bottle of brandy he rushed out of the control room disappearing into the corridors. She carefully slid off the console picking her clothes up off the floor. Rose wanted to talk to him and make sure he was alright but the TARDIS refused to show her the way. She knew there was no point in going after him as he could be hiding anywhere on the TARDIS and she wouldn't let him be found until he was ready but still she had to try. The TARDIS remained quiet and a quick look around revealed nothing. The alcohol was continuing to keep her relaxed and a yawn escaped as she wandered. She wasn't going to find him, so instead, she went to her room. Her mind was still cloudy as she took a shower then climbed into her bed. Closing her eyes, she promised herself that she would talk to him in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor woke with a groan. His head was aching and he briefly tried to remember how much he had drunk last night. He remembered continuing the party on the TARDIS with Rose and changing from wine to the brandy that he preferred. He also remembered trying to scale one of the corals before putting on music and dancing around the console. After that things got blurry. He had to have gone to bed at some point but he didn't remember leaving the control room. He pulled himself unhappily out of his bed, not at all surprised to see that he was still fully dressed in his suit. He stripped himself out of it as he stumbled to the shower. He stood underneath the water letting it comfort him but it did nothing for his headache so reluctantly he left the warm shower. He dressed in a new pair of pants and trousers then pulled on an undershirt. Leaving his room, he walked as quickly as he dared to the kitchen.

He had enjoyed the occasional drink in the past but ever since ending the Time War, alcohol had become a part of his nightly routine. He drank until the alcohol washed away the memories of what he had done to end the horrible war and allow him to sleep for a few hours. It didn't stop the nightmares or night terrors but that didn't keep him from polishing off bottle after bottle in a futile attempt to sleep peacefully. Being a Time Lord also didn't save him from the hangovers that followed the consumption. He was better than his human companions, though, so he kept the hangover cure hidden on a high shelf in the kitchen. Mixed with his tea he would be awake and feeling better by the time he finished his first cuppa. By the time his companion stumbled in, he would be cheerful and offer to help them with their own hangovers while making sure they knew it was because of his superior biology that he had managed to keep from getting hungover as well.

"Good morning, Rose," He told her brightly as she joined him in the kitchen a short time later. By then he was dressed and showing no signs of the grogginess that had plagued him only twenty minutes prior.

"Morning," she mumbled at him, the glare clear on her face.

"Coffee?" The Doctor offered her already knowing the answer as he pulled down a clean cup. He made her a strong cup of coffee adding a little bit of human safe hangover cure to it. It was obvious to him that she had also had a bit too much to drink and he didn't like to see her suffer. While she nursed her coffee he made them a simple breakfast of toast. By the time they finished eating, she was more awake and ready to start the day. Rushing off the TARDIS, she hurried to get her things eager to join him once more in his adventures. The events of the night before completely forgotten as the two of them prepared to go further than they had ever gone before together.

-DW-

Rose moaned as she sat on the edge of her bed with her arms wrapped tightly around the rubbish bin. For the last few mornings, she had woken up with her stomach aching and had gotten sick upon trying to move. She reached into her bedside table pulling out the anti-nausea pills she had picked up the day before. She wasn't sure what was causing it but she didn't want the Doctor to see her as weak and leave her behind because she couldn't cut it anymore. Besides she had a job to do. She was to be the dinner lady at a school that the Doctor was investigating. She had been unhappy to learn of her position while the Doctor was going to be a teacher and Mickey their outside tech man. The Doctor had worn her down though, by reassuring her that he had chosen the position specifically for her because he needed someone he trusted on the inside.

She couldn't resist his smile and had reluctantly agreed to help him investigate. He had hugged her close to him and just for a moment she could see him standing in front of her in the control room. She was sitting on the console and he was standing between her legs with his member buried deep within her body. She pushed the thought away knowing that it was just a dream, a longing, that would never come true. The Doctor wasn't interested in sex with her even if he did enjoy hugging her close to him. He needed the touch but the intimacy was beyond him.

"Rose, come on. We're going to be late for our first day of school," the Doctor called excitedly from outside her door. As much as she loved that Time Lord, she hated him just as much at the moment. She didn't understand how he could always be so perky in the morning when she was never awake before her first cup of coffee.

"I'm going to shower and then I will be out," Rose answered back. She didn't wait for an answer as she took the bin with her. She cleaned it out, then took a long shower not caring about the time. They had a time machine after all and he could get them to the school on time regardless of how long it took her to shower. By the time she stepped out to dress, she felf better and the morning sickness she felt was almost forgotten. Still, she tucked an extra pill in her pocket just in case she needed it later in the day. Leaving her room, she found the Doctor leaning against the console with a thermos in his hand. He smiled at her offering her the coffee. She smiled back as she took it. Following him out of the TARDIS, they made their way to her car. He drove them to the school while she drank her coffee. The entire way there he babbled on excitedly about teaching. His happiness was contagious even if she still didn't look forward to being a dinner lady.


	3. Chapter 3

Rose had never thought about the Doctor's long history while she traveled with him. She never asked how long he had been running and saving others or how many companions that he had in the past. She just enjoyed her moments with him as she fell in love even if he always kept her just out of arm's reach from returning that love. Sarah Jane changed that for her. Sarah Jane had once run with the Doctor as his companion and his friend but now she wasn't even spoken of. So she hid her illness with pills she acquired at the chemist. She had always been strong for him even in the face of his greatest enemy the Daleks but now she had to be stronger. She had to face Cybermen and help protect Mickey all while wanting to curl up alone in her room. She pushed through it, though, as they traveled the stars together this time as a trio.

On the TARDIS it was hard to tell how much time had passed. During her first days on the TARDIS, she had tried keeping a calendar in order to track earth days while traveling but that soon was put to a stop. Not only because the Doctor had skipped an entire year of her life but because days and hours could pass for the rest of the world while mere minutes passed in the TARDIS. She had tried keeping track at first but it was hard to keep up when they left at sunrise on one planet and arrived at sunset on the next. The Doctor didn't keep to normal time either so they were often awake thirty hours or more before he decided that he needed a break. So she wasn't sure how long it had been since the sickness started or how long it had been since she had bled. She did remember the first time she thought that she might be pregnant, though. It was while they were trapped in Pete's world but it was hard to stop for a pregnancy test while running from Cyberman. So she ignored the thought as she helped to rescue the world and save the father that she had lost so long ago. That night she had cried in her mother's arms thankful that she still had her even if she couldn't tell her about the possible child she was carrying. She continued to hide it even after she lost time waking up in a small cage surrounded by other people.

"Doctor, can we please go back to the TARDIS now?" Rose questioned after a while. It had been a long evening strolling the streets and celebrating the Queen's coronation but she was done. She just wanted to go back to her room and take a long hot bath before curling up and sleeping for the next year or two. The Doctor didn't argue as he grabbed a handful of crisps and another cupcake. He then turned to head back towards the TARDIS snacking on them as he walked. The blue box had never seen more welcoming and she couldn't wait to get back inside. The Doctor was still snacking, so she took out her own key eagerly opening the doors and going into the brightly lit room. "I'm going to go lay down now."

"Sleep well," the Doctor told her his voice slightly muffled due to shoving the last cupcake in his mouth. She started away from him heading up the ramp intent on going to her room. As she reached the top, though, the room seemed to sway and she lost her footing stumbling. Almost immediately, the Doctor was at her side again supporting her and keeping her from falling.

"I'm fine," Rose informed him, mimicking the words that she had heard from him many times before.

"No, you're not. You went through an ordeal today and I should really check you out in the medi-bay before you sleep to make sure you are alright," the Doctor answered. Rose shook her head no.

"I don't need to go to the medi-bay. I just need to lay down and sleep," Rose responded stubbornly. The Doctor led her over to the captain's seat motioning to it.

"At least sit down until the dizziness has gone off," the Doctor replied. She nodded her agreement, immediately regretting it. Realizing she was right, she took a seat on the captain's chair closing her eyes as she waited for the room to stop moving. With her eyes closed, she didn't notice when the Doctor pulled out his sonic but she heard it as he used it to scan her. His voice was soft as he told her the results. "You're pregnant." She took a deep breath letting it out slowly.

"I'm so sorry, Rose. I'm sure that if Mickey knew he wouldn't have stayed in Pete's world but would have helped you to raise your child together," the Doctor continued.

"I didn't even know for sure before today," Rose answered as she opened her eyes.

"But you're at least four maybe five mouths along, Rose. How did you not know?" the Doctor asked sounding concerned.

"I thought I might be before Deffry High School but then I decided I was crazy. Then with Mickey and everything that happened in Pete's world, it just became easier to ignore it. Especially, because I don't know who the father of the baby is because the last time I slept with someone is before Jack joined the TARDIS and that had to be over a year ago now," Rose admitted. The Doctor furrowed his brow in concern.

"Come on," he replied softly as he helped her to her feet. Rose didn't fight him as together they went to the medi-bay. He helped her up on to one of the beds and she laid back watching him. She wondered what he was doing until she saw him pull a portable scanner over to the bed. She lifted her shirt as he placed the scanner over her abdomen pressing buttons on the screen. He paled slightly as he did his expression going from concern to surprise. The surprise quickly changed to anger as he read the results.

"What is it? Is the baby alright?" Rose asked in concern. The Doctor turned to look at her all the anger of the oncoming storm staring down at her.

"It has two hearts."


	4. Chapter 4

Rose laid there in stunned silence as she watched the Doctor angrily hitting more buttons on the screen. She could barely wrap her mind around the fact that she was actually pregnant, let alone the fact that the baby she was carrying was the Doctors. Yes, she had dreamed of sleeping with him but up until this moment, that is all she thought they were. Dreams that would never happen because while the Doctor loved to have his hand held and be hugged, he would never let it go any further between the two of them. He had made that perfectly clear back at the high school when he told her about being unable to spend his life with her. She opened her mouth ready to ask him but he spoke again before she could.

"He has two hearts," the Doctor spat. He lowered the screen so that he could look her in the eyes again. "Don't know how this happened, aye. Little Rose Tyler took care of the sick Doctor after he regenerated and then took advantage of him while he was ill."

"That's not what happened," Rose exclaimed startled by his accusations.

"How do I know that? You're pregnant with a child that has two hearts. I am the only one that you have been around recently that has two hearts. So you explain how you became pregnant with my child and if you're really so innocent why didn't you tell me you thought you were pregnant sooner. Instead, you chose to hide it," the Doctor seethed at her.

"I honestly don't remember what happened," Rose told him but it was obvious that he didn't believe her. He threw the tablet aside listening to it hit the floor as he stormed off.

"I'm taking you home like I should have done in the beginning," he called out as he left. Rose watched him go wanting to call out after him but not sure what to say. Her hands were shaking as she slowly lowered her shirt and stood up. She wasn't sure how she made it back to her room but found herself standing in the familiar room. Looking at the simply decorated room with her pink blanket and pictures of her loved ones made a lump form in her throat. She felt tears streaming down her cheeks and she stumbled to her bed curling around her pillow as she cried. She couldn't believe that she was pregnant with the Doctor's son and that he hated her for it. It had to be a nightmare that she would wake up from and tell her friend Shareen about in the morning. Closing her eyes tightly she wished desperately for the oblivion that sleep brought but her mind kept wandering trying to figure out when it could have happened. There were a few gaps in her memory but the time that she kept coming back to was the night after he had regenerated. They had danced together as they shared the bottle of alcohol. Around that night she had dreamed of them making love on the console. Maybe it hadn't been a dream after all. Hugging her pillow tighter she desperately wished this nightmare could end.

The Doctor, meanwhile, stormed to the control room. He threw switches and pulled levers getting the TARDIS ready to leave before putting in the coordinates for Rose's flat. He placed his hand on the brake ready to pull it and send her on his way only he couldn't bring himself to. As much as he wanted to take Rose home and leave her there, he couldn't do it because as angry as he was he believed her when she said she didn't remember sleeping with him. The problem was that he couldn't remember that night either and he hated not knowing. He felt horrible for implying that she had taken advantage of him after regenerating but it was the only time that this could have happened. Other than that he was in control of his body and his mind and would have never allowed himself to give into her. He ran his hands down his face and then back to his hair making it even messier. He hit more buttons and pulled another lever as he moved around the console again making his way back to the handbrake. He kicked the console as hard as he could. It didn't help anything and only added to his pain as now his foot hurt.

Irritated, he flopped backward onto the captain's chair. Lifting his foot, he rubbed it through his shoe. It wasn't helping anything so he let his foot drop again as he leaned forward pulling the monitor over to him. He pulled up the information from the scanner reading through the results again. Rose was just over five months along with his son and while the baby had two hearts, he was developing at the normal rate for a human. Despite Rose not knowing she was pregnant, the baby was healthy and growing properly. They were going to have to look into setting up a nursery soon and preparing for a child who would have special medical needs due to his unique system. Taking a deep breath, he let it out a sigh as he forced himself to his feet. Even if he didn't want to do it, he need to talk to Rose. At the very least, he owed her an apology. The walk seemed to take longer than before and he scolded the TARDIS for moving her door before finally finding it. Lifting his hand, he took another deep breath then knocked gently.

"Come in," she replied. Opening the door, he went in just barely letting himself glance at her as he entered. Her hair was a mess and makeup was streaked down her cheeks. He couldn't stand to look at her knowing the pain that she was in but he was too angry to comfort her.

"I'm sorry," he told her after a long moment.

"As well you should be," Rose snipped, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Don't give me that innocent act. You are just as guilty as I am in this," the Doctor snapped back at her.

"Sure of that are you. How do you know that you didn't take me advantage of me while I slept?" Rose wondered throwing his accusation back. He visibly winced.

"I shouldn't have accused of that," he apologized, still not able to meet her eyes. Rose took a deep breath.

"I don't want to go home," She whispered at last.

"Fine," the Doctor agreed.

"Fine."

"Fine." He stormed out of the room and heard something hit the door after him. A scream echoed down the corridors after him as he ran from her room.


	5. Chapter 5

Rose didn't see the Doctor at all for the next few days as they floated in space. She wanted to talk to him about their son that she was carrying but the TARDIS refused to show her his location leaving her alone. She tried sitting alone in the living area watching films but she couldn't concentrate on them. Nor could she focus on any book. She needed to talk to someone about the surprise pregnancy but being in space she had no one she could turn to. So on the third night, unable to sleep, she made her way to the control room with her cell in hand. Opening the doors, she sat down cross-legged staring out at the planet that they were circling. The planet was mainly water with a small smattering of islands. She wondered if there was intelligent life down below the surface and if the Doctor would take her to explore it when he came around again.

Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone flipping it open then shut again. She did it again several times as she took a deep breath. She wanted more than anything to talk to her mum but this was a conversation that she should have in-person except she didn't know when the Doctor would take her home again. It could be months before she saw her mum and by then the baby would be born. She tried to decide if her mum would be more angry at finding out she was pregnant or if she showed up with an infant in her arms proclaiming her mum a grandma. She already knew the answer to that question so taking another deep breath she let it out slowly as she opened the phone once more dialing the familiar number. Her stomach felt as if it were in knots as the phone rang.

"Hello?" Jackie answered on the fourth ring.

"Mum," Rose responded.

"Oh, Rose. I met a nice man down at the launderette today. He helped me to fix the washer in the flat. Just said that it needed a new fuse. He is very handy, and I am thinking of keeping him on tap now that Mickey is gone," Jackie blabbered on happily not letting Rose get a word in. Rose listened though, taking comfort in the familiar sound of her mother's voice. She blamed the hormones as tears filled her eyes. She wiped them off with the back of her hand as she stared down at the blue water far below her. "You need to come home soon, Rose. Tell that Doctor, that he doesn't bring you home enough."

"I will but I'm not sure where he is right now," Rose admitted as she finally was able to talk.

"He left you all alone on a strange planet?" Jackie asked horrified.

"No, we are still on the TARDIS," Rose answered. She took another deep breath. "He just needed some time alone."

"Well, he is a funny one that Doctor, all mopey all the time," Jackie informed her.

"He is just confused, mum. We both are since we found out," Rose started but chickened out before she could complete the sentence.

"Found out what, sweetheart?" Jack asked curiously.

"Mum, I'm pregnant," Rose whispered.

"Oh, Rose," Jackie sighed. She could hear the disappointment in Jackie's tone at her words. Jackie had married and had her young and she had never wanted Rose to go through the same thing. She wanted her to enjoy being young before finally settling down with a good man and getting married before giving her grandchildren. "Is the baby his?"

"Yes."

"Come home, darling. Come home and I will put the kettle on so that we can discuss this," Jackie begged her.

"I told you, I can't right now. I haven't seen him since we found out," Rose admitted. She didn't tell Jackie that the Doctor was angry at her or that neither one of them could remember conceiving their son. "Before he disappeared, though, we found out I am having a boy. Can you believe it, I am going to have a son?"

"Traveling like you lot do is no way to raise a baby, Rose," Jackie answered.

"I know but I love this life and I'm not ready to give it up yet, mum. The Doctor and I can keep him safe until he is old enough to protect himself and if he is anything like his daddy, he will love to run." Rose smiled to herself as she moved a hand to her stomach. Even if she could tell her mum wasn't happy with the fact she was pregnant, she felt better just by telling her and having someone to discuss her child with.

"Crazy you two are."

"I know," Rose agreed.

"Are you sure you can't come home love, just to talk," Jackie begged.

"Tell me what day and time it is then put the kettle on mum. As soon as I see the Doctor, I will tell him to take me home so that we can talk in person." Jackie told her and Rose made a mental note of the date and time. She wasn't sure when the Doctor would come out of hiding but even if it was a month from now, they could continue their conversation and Jack would never know she didn't come straight home.

"I love you," Jackie told her.

"I love you, too."

"I'll see you soon. All right, be careful. Bye." Jackie hung up the phone and Rose closed her own. Pulling herself to her feet she closed the doors to the TARDIS shutting herself inside the brightly lit room once more. She had barely eaten since finding out about the pregnancy but she suddenly found herself hungry. Making her way to the kitchen, she stopped in the doorway surprised to see the Doctor standing at the stove heating a kettle for tea.

"Come out of hiding now did you," Rose snapped irritably at him as she walked into the room.

"I haven't been hiding," the Doctor lied. After their argument, he had spent time in the library scouring his books as he tried to figure out how she had become pregnant. It should have been impossible do to the difference in their DNA sequences. Yet, here she was carrying his child. All of his books agreed with him that it was impossible and the only conclusion he could come to was that she had somehow altered her own DNA when she had taken the TARDIS into her. A quick scan had revealed that she was still completely human, though, and left him just as confused about the conception as when he started reading.

"Then where have you been the last few days?" Rose questioned him.

"In my study," the Doctor answered. Rose rolled her eyes even if she wasn't surprised by the answer. He tended to spend a lot of time in the room fiddling with his sonic or just reading when he didn't have the answers he needed. Normally, the door to the room was always located on the third floor of the library near his books in Gallifreyan but she didn't see it when she went in there to read.

"Well, I just got off the phone with my mum and she wants us to come home so that we can talk," Rose informed him.

"And get slapped by Jackie Tyler again. No ta," the Doctor answered.

"We can't hide from her forever and we need to go back to earth soon anyways as there isn't a lot of food on the TARDIS," Rose argued.

"There are bananas." The Doctor smiled at her as he picked one of them up out of the bowl on the counter. He held it at the very bottom, making sure to keep his distance as he offered it to her.

"No thanks, I don't really care for bananas," Rose told him. The smile turned to a look of confusion as he wasn't sure that he had heard her correctly. Everyone loved bananas and he had helped plant many banana groves across the universe in order for everyone to share his favorite fruit. He held out the banana to her again and this time she took it. The smile returned as he realized that he had heard her wrong and he turned away to make his tea. With his back turned, Rose placed the banana back in the fruit bowl.

"I need some parts for the TARDIS so I will take you to a planet where you can shop for food and buy items for the nursery while I get what I need," The Doctor spoke as he turned back around with his teacup in hand.

"Fine," Rose agreed. She wasn't happy they weren't going to earth but at least he was thinking about making their son a room and that was a start. With her agreement, though, he made a wide arch around her, making sure not to touch her as he hurried out of the kitchen. Rose followed him out to the control room and watched him dance around the console driving his beloved ship. She sat down on the captain's seat and watched as he piloted then landed the TARDIS. Running towards the doors, he pulled his coat off the coral.

"The species on this planet are humanoid and friendly. You'll be safe for a few hours alone while I get the items I need," The Doctor called out as he continued to the door. Rose didn't have a chance to move before he was out the doors disappearing into the crowded streets. Rose wondered briefly if she could get Jackie there to give him what Rose felt was a much-deserved slap to the face. She wasn't sure how, though, and felt she would be better off delivering the slap herself. Trying to trust he wasn't just going to leave her behind, Rose picked up her own coat she prepared to go shopping on her own.


	6. Chapter 6

Stepping off the TARDIS it was immediately obvious to Rose that yet again the Doctor had failed to take them to the correct planet. Not only were they not in a marketplace, the creatures were anything but humanoid. In fact, they kind of looked like large crabs that had learned to walk on their hind legs. Only they were skinnier and their shells a dark red. They were fascinating to look at but Rose decided not to venture out further as she turned going back onto the TARDIS to wait for the Doctor's return. She knew when he did return, though, he would deny that he got the planet wrong at all. Instead, he would come in with some quick explanation that he couldn't find the parts that he needed and they were going to have to try another planet. She left her coat on as she took a seat on the Captain's chair to wait for him. She didn't have to wait long before he came sweeping up the ramp.

"Can you believe they were out of type 40 high wattage fuses?" The Doctor asked sounding exasperated causing Rose to roll her eyes at his back as he made his way to the hand brake. "We are going to have to try another marketplace."

"Then can we go to Earth?" The Doctor paused with his hand on the brake not pulling it.

"I thought you didn't want to go home?" He wondered softly.

"I don't. At least not to stay but I need to talk to my mum in person," Rose reminded him. The Doctor didn't answer as he pulled the handbrake then typed in something on the screen that she couldn't read. He moved slowly around the console not showing off as he drove the TARDIS. He landed the TARDIS with her usual thrum and then turned around crossing his arms as he leaned against the console.

"We are at the Powell Estate," He told her not meeting her eyes.

"Are you going to come with me?" Rose asked as she got slowly to her feet. The Doctor shook his head no. "Coward."

"Yeah," he answered softly.

"Are you going to leave me here?" Rose wondered still not moving towards the doors.

"No," the Doctor responded his voice just as soft.

"Promise?" The Doctor crossed both his hearts as he still stared down. Rose wanted to trust him but after their argument, she was terrified that he was going to leave her behind. That she was going to have to raise their son alone on Earth with him never knowing who his father was. A knock sounded through the TARDIS signaling that her mother had joined them and was waiting impatiently outside for her daughter to join.

"Go. I will still be here when you return," the Doctor reiterated. Rose tried to trust him as she made her way to the doors. She opened them slipping out leaving the Doctor alone inside. He heard Jackie's voice as he pulled the grating up disappearing down into the TARDIS. Even without the parts that he needed he still had plenty of work to do to keep her flying. He kept himself busy as he soldered wires together and bypassed an unnecessary system to boost the power in another one. The TARDIS needed a lot of work and one of these days he would take the time to do a complete overhaul but for now, he kept her running with whatever spare parts he could find. He found the work comforting and he let it distract him as he waited for Rose to return.

"Mum agrees you're a coward," Rose informed him as she came on board. The Doctor stood pulling himself out of underneath the console. He replaced the grating as once more he refused to look at her. "She wants me to stay. To set up a nursery in her flat and raise our son on Earth. She understands, though, that you aren't ready to stop running so we have to bring him back often to see his grandma and to take lots of pictures when we are away."

"Of course," the Doctor agreed. Rose tried to touch his arm but he turned away from her at the last moment. She let her hand drop to her side as she resisted the urge to slap him.

"I am going to bed," she hissed as she stormed off. The Doctor didn't watch her go as he sent the TARDIS on her way as he tried once more to find the marketplace he was looking for.

-DW-

The next few weeks were tense between them as they traveled throughout the universe. They spoke as little as possible as together they set up a nursery for their son and purchased the items that he would need. They still ran, but the Doctor was careful to take them to safer places. All that changed when he accidentally took her to a space station that was orbiting a black hole. By the time he realized how much danger they were in, the TARDIS was gone and they were trapped. He tried to remain optimistic even as he feared for the lives of both Rose and his unborn child.

Maybe that is why he made the decision to go to the planet's surface. To allow himself to fall down what seemed to be a bottomless pit in search of answers. Rose had been worried about him but he was doing what he did best trying to run. So he fell and found the devil. Despite their arguments and the pain that the two of them carried, he put his belief in Rose just like he always had. He knew that he owed her an apology if he ever saw her again. The world around him was crumbling apart though, and just when he thought all hope was lost, he found his TARDIS. He rushed back, saving the rest of the crew and bringing Rose back to his arms.

"I'm so sorry. I thought for a moment there that I had lost you and it made me realize how much I want you and our son," he apologized as he hugged her tightly. For a moment things were normal between them again. His yellow and pink girl right where she belonged. That all changed as her hands tightened in his coat and she groaned in pain.

"Doctor, I think something is wrong with the baby," Rose cried as she held onto him. The Doctor didn't hesitate as he scooped her up into his arms running with her down to the medi-bay. A quick scan confirmed his fears. That the trip to the black hole had been too much for her body.

"Rose, I need you to remain calm. I am going to get you help but the stress of the trip has sent you into premature labor," the Doctor explained as calmly as he could.

"That's not possible. I am only six months along. It's way too early Doctor," Rose informed him.

"I know," the Doctor agreed. He left her alone in the medi-bay as he ran back to the control room. He set the coordinates to a hospital that he knew dealt with two-hearted species. He pushed the TARDIS to go as fast as she can just needing to get Rose help. The TARDIS landed with a thud as he abandoned the controls running as fast as he could back to the medi-bay. He picked Rose gently up in his arms again racing back to the front of the TARDIS and out the doors. He ran into the hospital going in through the emergency entrance.

"She's in labor," he told the first medical staff member he came across. The man called a nurse over with a wheelchair. He carefully set her in it and they ran towards the back room.

"Doctor," Rose called out as they took her away from him. He tried to go after her but another nurse blocked his way.

"We will take good care of your wife sir, but I need you to wait here while we examine her," She advised him. The Doctor didn't bother to correct her as the nurse hurried off after the others. The Doctor felt lost as he began to pace impatiently as he waited for news about his Rose and his child.


	7. Chapter 7

The Doctor paced the entire room growing more impatient by the minute as he waited for answers. It had been over an hour since they had taken Rose to the back and there was still no information about how she was or how the baby was doing. All of the worse case scenarios kept playing in his head. Over and over again he imagined that Rose lost her life or that she lost the baby. He had been so cruel to her over the last couple of weeks and now he feared that he lost the son that he had just grown to accept. He hoped silently, to whatever was out there that they would be able to stop the labor and his child would be able to continue to grow in the safety of his mother's womb. It was almost another two hours before a doctor finally came out of the back. The solemn look on his face made the Doctor's hearts drop. He swallowed hard as he looked at the man.

"How are Rose and our son?" The Doctor asked the fear in his voice clear.

"I'm sorry but we couldn't stop the labor and had to perform an emergency c-section in order to save both their lives. Rose is currently resting but we have moved your son to the neonatal unit in order to run tests," the man explained.

"Can I see them? The Doctor wondered, his voice cracking.

"Follow me." He heard the man reply. He was led down a plain white hall with wooden doors off of it. Every door had a number and almost half of the doors had charts. They went to another station where he had to sign in before he was taken to Rose's room. For the second time that day, he felt relief upon seeing her even if she did look disheveled. Her normally neat hair was sticking out and she had make-up running down her cheeks. She was wearing a hospital gown and had an IV in one arm providing her both fluids as well as medication. He couldn't help but rush over to her taking her into his arms and holding her tightly.

"Doctor, they took our son and they won't tell me anything," Rose cried as she held onto the Doctor just as tightly.

"They are currently running tests and they will tell us more when they know something," The Doctor told her as calmly as he could. Only his eyes betrayed the fear that he was feeling but she was unable to see that fear as they hugged. He comforted Rose as she cried and they waited for the doctor to return and tell them that their son was going to survive. That he would continue to grow and thrive and hopefully soon be able to be in their arms. A soft knock at the door gave them little warning before the door was opened and a tall woman in a white lab coat came into the room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Tyler, I am Doctor Barnet and your son's primary doctor," She told them as she approached Rose's bed.

"How is he?" The Doctor wondered as he released his hug on Rose so that she could look at doctor Barnet. Rose continued to hold his hand tightly as they listened to the woman speak.

"I am afraid your son is in bad shape. He is only about 600g and 32 cm. While his hearts and brain are developed, he is extremely premature and going to need a lot of help in order to survive," she explained. She went on to explain complications that could arise from him being so tiny but the Doctor barely listened as he felt as though he failed Rose. It was his fault they had landed at that space station and he should have done more to make sure they go safely off of it before the ood and that devil threatened their lives.

"Can we see him?" Rose wondered as the doctor finish speaking.

"Of course," she agreed. Rose wasn't happy with the fact that she had to use a wheelchair but she understood their reasoning. While her legs were no longer numb from the medication, she still just had surgery and they didn't want her to pull her staples. So she settled in, allowing the Doctor to push her as they went to the neonatal unit to see their baby. It broke the Doctor's hearts to see him so tiny laying hooked up to a respirator with tubes and other lines coming off of him. He had a nappy on that practically covered him like a blanket and had a mask covering his eyes and protecting him from the bright lights. The Doctor put his hand on Rose's shoulder as he stared at the tiny infant and Rose raised her own hand covering his.

"I can't allow you to hold him yet but it would help if you gave him a name and talked to him," doctor Barnet informed them.

"I thought we would have more time to plan and pick out his name," Rose admitted.

"How about Kiam Wyatt," The Doctor suggested and Rose looked up at him.

"Kiam Wyatt Tyler," Rose spoke hearing the name. "I like it. Did you hear that Kiam? Your daddy picked out your name." She turned her hand and the Doctor squeezed it as they stared at the little boy just watching him breathe. He was so tiny but he was so alive and despite the pain of his birth, the Doctor knew in his hearts that one day his son would be great.

-DW-

The next few days ran together. Their days were spent in the hospital with their son talking to him and reassuring him that they were there. It was hard for both of them to watch him struggle but neither one was going to give up on the little boy who had completely stolen their hearts. As hard as it was to watch him, though, their nights were worse. Rose insisted on keeping the time the same so at night they would retire to the TARDIS to wait for morning. They had laid aside their anger for the moment allowing the Doctor to care for his small family so every night he would make sure that they ate and that Rose cared for herself before taking her into his room to rest. Most nights, she laid on the bed and cried herself to sleep as the Doctor held her trying to provide what little comfort he could before drifting off to sleep for a few hours as well.

His night terrors, however, were worse than ever and he screamed as he tossed in his sleep acting out to the point that he was afraid he would hurt Rose. In his dreams, he lost Rose and the baby on Krop Tor leaving him alone once more in the universe. From there he would become angry and vengeful, the Time Lord Victorious, with no one to stop him. The laws of the universe were his to control and in his nightmares, he hurt others just because he could. He would wake drenched in sweat with a scream still on his lips and unable to go back to sleep.

"My mum wants to see him," Rose informed the Doctor one morning as she came into the kitchen. He looked up from his cup of tea to see Rose holding her cell phone. It was open and the Doctor could see that she was still on the call with Jackie.

*Do you want to go?* He mouthed silently so that Jackie couldn't hear him.

"I don't want to leave him here all alone," Rose admitted softly.

"It's a Time Machine, Rose. If you want to go we can pop over to London and be back before anyone realized we were gone," The Doctor answered. He could see Rose thinking about it as he stood going over to her. "I think it would be a good idea to get your mum to help support you and we will only be gone for five minutes."

"Promise?"

"Cross my hearts."


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor stood with his head against the plain wall. He had promised Rose that they would only be gone from their son for five minutes but things never seemed to go the way he wanted. Arriving on Earth they had found the planet in the middle of an invasion from what they called ghosts. The ghosts turned out to be cybermen from another world and he had no choice but to stop them as well as the Daleks when they showed. What should have been five minutes turned into hours as he convinced Torchwood to stop running the shifts. In the end, they listened to him but he still lost Rose and her mother. They were trapped in another universe where Pete was still alive and the three of them could be a family. Only that family still didn't include him or the child they had brought into the universe.

He promised her five minutes but in order to keep her safe, he had made a sacrifice and sent her away. Sent her to Pete's world where she could live out her life while he closed the void. She had returned, though. She returned to be with him and their child. He let himself believe for just one minute that they could stay together. That all changed when she lost her grip on the handle. He watched horrified as she flew towards the void and all he could do is hang on and try not to do the same. How Pete had managed to save her at the last possible moment, he will never know, he was just thankful he did. Now, she was trapped in the other universe and those five minutes he promised her. Those five minutes would now last an eternity.

Turning he held his head high as he walked away from that wall. He couldn't let this institute, this place that thought everything that was alien was there's including him and his TARDIS, he couldn't let them see the pain they caused him. He moved quickly past the confused injured people, just wanting to get to the safety of his TARDIS walls before they decided to try to hold him prisoner again. He let her guide him, following her song and ignoring the pain and death around him. He justified it by telling himself they had brought the mayhem on themselves but it didn't make him feel any better to know that he was abandoning the innocent people who needed help. His heart was broken though. He just wanted Rose back in his arms and it was a relief when he finally stumbled onto the TARDIS. He closed her doors behind him, running up the ramp and sending her into the vortex before letting himself collapse.

He cursed the universe for taking her away from him after she had brought him back to life. Before her, he had traveled alone trying to save as many people as possible because he wasn't able to save anyone from his own planet. Rose had fallen in love with him despite the flaws he saw in himself and had made dealing with the pain a little easier. This body had been created for her as he tried to make himself younger and more appealing to her. Now their time together was over and all their tomorrows were gone. He couldn't accept it. He got quickly to his feet again having the TARDIS scan for even the littlest crack that would allow him to pull her back through and into his arms.

No matter how fast he ran, though, he was always too late and the cracks were just big enough for him to call to her. In the end, he burned up a sun just to create a crack big enough that he could say goodbye. He lied to her on that beach, telling her that he wasn't going to travel alone and that he had been to see their son. In reality, his son had remained in the hospital alone as he tried desperately to bring his mother back to the correct universe. He didn't have time to mourn any further as there was suddenly an angry redhead in his TARDIS who accused him of kidnapping her. He let himself be distracted as he tried to help Donna but in the end, he couldn't hide his pain. Standing under the water, he wanted to die with the racnoss. To drown in the river water and no longer have to carry on alone. Donna stopped him forcing him to leave. He asked her to travel with him and she refused not that he blamed her.

That night he was alone on the TARDIS again. He set the TARDIS to orbit a small moon as he tried desperately to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He didn't know except to keep traveling on even if he desperately wanted to give up again. He tried not to think of everyone he lost as he took a bottle of brandy and Rose's coat with him to his room. He wrapped her coat around her pillow then stripped down to his pants climbing into his bed. Picking up the bottle of brandy, he brought it to his lips draining a large amount. He set the bottle on the bedside table as he curled around the pillow. Burying his face, he breathed in her scent as he drifted off into what he hoped was a dreamless sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Waking, he breathed in Rose's scent as he held her pillow tightly. With his eyes closed, he could almost believe for just a moment that she was back in his arms. That he never watched her disappear and that together they would raise their son. Opening his eyes immediately ruined the illusion, though, and reluctantly he pulled himself out of his bed. He showered, shaved, and made himself look alive again even if he didn't feel it. He then took the TARDIS back to the hospital, landing just as he promised five minutes from the time that he had left.

The night had never seemed longer as he waited for morning to come and visiting hours to start but he had promised Rose that while their son was in the hospital time would pass normally. That they would be there whenever they were needed. Normally, he could distract himself for hours working on the TARDIS but today he couldn't concentrate. After the TARDIS shocked him for the third time because of a mistake he made, he gave up climbing to his feet. He wandered down the corridor telling himself that he was heading to his library but turning into the pool instead. Stripping down to his pants, he jumped in the pool swimming laps back and forth until his body began to ache. Still, he pushed himself further until swimming out to the middle of the large pool. Taking a deep breath he sank to the bottom.

He closed his eyes as he sat on the bottom. He thought briefly of how easy it would be just to take a breath. To allow the water to enter his lungs ending his long life once and for all. He would have early today if Donna hadn't stopped him. Hadn't called out to him and forced him to leave the Racnoss's layer. He felt his respiratory bypass kick in but still, he sat there. He ignored his body as his bypass grew close to depletion and everything in him screamed at him to surface. He felt his hearts beating strongly against his chest and his lungs begged him for a breath. Finally, he pushed himself up to the surface taking a gasping breath as he pushed his weary body to the side of the pool. He pulled himself over the side laying on his back as he tried to catch his breath as he thought Donna was right, he really needed someone to stop him.

Morning somehow came and he made his way off the TARDIS and into the hospital. He followed the familiar path back to the neonatal unit as he just wanted to hold his son and know that he was alive. He ignored the look of pity in the nurse's eyes as he approached the desk alone signing in for the day.

"Your wife isn't joining you today? the nurse questioned.

"She is staying with her mother for a while," the Doctor answered. The nurse nodded not surprised by his information. She had seen it more than once over the years where one parent or the other couldn't handle the fact that the baby was sick and the stress surrounding the hospital stay.

Once signed in, the Doctor was taken back to see his son. He listened as the doctor told him about the minute changes that happened over the night before allowing him to hold his child. The Doctor opened his shirt, taking the baby against his skin as he held him and just enjoyed the fact that he was alive. He kissed him softly on the head, apologizing over and over again for losing Rose before just sitting quietly as he stared down at the little miracle in his arms. It was one that he didn't even know that he wanted but he loved his son with every fiber of his being. They were the last two Timelords in the universe and he swore that he was going to protect his son at all cost.

"I could stop," he whispered. "I swore that I would never have a normal home again but I would do that for you. We could settle down and you could have a normal human childhood with school and friends." He sighed. "Who am I kidding? I could never have a normal life again. A fenced garden with curtains on the windows. That's just not who I am. I have been running my whole life and it would only be a matter of time before I would run again."

"I could do right by you. I could give you to a nice family to raise you properly," He swallowed hard as his voice caught in his throat. He cleared it then tried again. "You could have a proper family with a mum and a dad who love you. Never knowing that I was watching you from afar making sure that you were healthy and safe." He couldn't do that, though. He couldn't lose both Rose and his son. As much as he didn't want to settle down, he didn't want to be alone more. He wanted the baby in his arms to know that he was his daddy and to raise him among the stars. His mind made up he kissed his baby again knowing that he was going to be there for him.

When visitor hours ended, he kissed his son one last time before going back to the TARDIS. Even if he had promised Rose that time would continue normally, he couldn't stay there and wait for morning again. He would be back for his son but for now he turned his TARDIS back towards London.


	10. Chapter 10

Some might have considered it ironic that he landed in another hospital upon leaving the first. He hadn't gone looking for trouble as he arrived in London but he couldn't ignore the strange plasma coils that encircled the hospital. He checked himself in by complaining of a stomach ache that was bad enough they needed to keep him for observation but not severe enough to make them run in-depth tests that would reveal that he wasn't human. Only one person realized that he had two hearts and it was because of her that he lived after the Judoon took the hospital to the moon. He sacrificed himself to the plasmasphore as he once again tried to reach his final death. Martha managed to save his life in the end by remembering that he had two hearts as she performed life-saving CPR to bring him back.

He wanted to hate her for not allowing him to reach his final death, instead, he took her on one trip. A trip to the past to see William Shakespeare perform. Of course, it ended up being more than a simple trip and the Carionites managed to stop his right heart yet again. They saved the earth before running from the queen in order to keep from being beheaded. In another time, Martha could have been a great companion. She was intelligent, caring, and brave, all characteristics that he looked for when taking new companions. She was also training to be a doctor and could have assisted with him the fact that he was feeling poorly due to almost drowning and having his hearts stopped twice in a short period of time. Only he didn't want a doctor to care for him and tell him that he needed to slow down.

He dropped Martha back at her home before turning the TARDIS to Cardiff. He remembered clearly the first time he had felt the anomaly in the Plas. Back then he didn't know what it was but it made him uncomfortable enough to avoid trying to find out. It was only after Rose brought Jack back to life as a fact that he realized it was the Captain who he felt that day. He wondered how long Jack had been there hiding and waiting until he could speak with him again. Jack deserved to know why he had abandoned him on the Gamestation that day but he was a coward at the best of times and if Rose had continued to travel with him, he would have spent the rest of eternity avoiding giving Jack his answers. Yet, now that was exactly who he was turning to because he just wanted to talk to someone who would miss her as much as he did and understand his pain.

"Doctor," Jack screamed running across the Plas in a desperate attempt to catch him before he took off again. The Doctor had no plans of running, though. He set the handbrake, then grabbed his coat as he stepped off the TARDIS to meet his once friend. Jack slowed down as he realized the Doctor wasn't going to leave again and started to walk towards the TARDIS rather than run.

"Hello, Jack," the Doctor told him with a soft smile as Jack approached.

"You abandoned me," Jack spat.

"I did and I'm so so sorry," the Doctor answered taking Jack by surprise. The last thing he had expected was an apology when all these years he had prepared for the Doctor to deny it or to blame him. He had hated the Doctor for years for abandoning him, swearing to kill him if he ever saw the Time Lord again. But as time passed, he slowly learned to move on with his life and forgive him. He still wanted answers but he no longer felt the need to beat them out of the Time Lord if necessary.

"Why? What did I do that was so wrong that you had to leave me ankle deep in Dalek dust and all alone?" Jack questioned. He had waited for days, swearing to himself that it was a mistake. That the Doctor would return for him but he couldn't hold onto the illusion forever. Confused and angry he had fixed his vortex manipulator with parts he found around the satellite determined to get back to earth where he knew he would eventually run into the Doctor. Only he had arrived too soon. He had to wait over one hundred years for the answers he desperately needed.

"Nothing," the Doctor admitted. He really didn't want to be having this conversation right now. What he wanted was to be invited inside where he could sit and reminisce with his old friend. So when Jack opened his mouth to talk again, he interrupted before he could ask for more details. "I promise I will tell you everything later but right now I could really use a cup of tea."

"First I just have to ask. The battle of Canary Warf, I saw the list of the dead Doc. It said Rose Tyler," Jack half questioned the pain in his voice clear.

"She's not dead but she is trapped in a parallel world with Mickey and her mother. She's safe and sound, Jack but the walls are closed. I can't ever bring her back and I tried. I tried to find a crack big enough that I could pull her through but I was always too late," the Doctor answered his voice so soft that Jack could barely hear him. The Doctor didn't resist as Jack took a step forward wrapping his arms tightly around him. The Doctor reached up hugging him back.

"I'm sorry, Doc. I knew how much she meant to you," Jack told him as he hugged the Time Lord tightly. They hugged quietly for a long minute as the Doctor took comfort in the simple gesture. He broke the hug first, dropping his arms and stepping back, embarrassed by the open display of affection that he had shown the Captain. Jack let go next pretending not to notice as the Doctor reached up wiping tears from his eyes. He tried to remember if he had ever seen the Doctor cry before but knew this Doctor was different. His first would have never let someone in who could see the pain that he carried.

"Tea?" The Doctor questioned hopefully.

"Of course. Follow me and I will put the kettle on," Jack agreed. He turned to head back across the empty plas. The Doctor pulled the door to the TARDIS closed as he followed the Captain. Jack led him to a visitor center then back to what looked like a vault door. As it opened, the Doctor got a glimpse inside. His hearts raced and he took a step backward as he stared at the computer equipment with the words Torchwood clearly on the screens.

"You work for Torchwood. After everything they did, you are a part of it," the Doctor whispered.

"I swear to you it's changed. The old regime died at Canary Warf and I have been working to rebuild it in your honor," Jack answered slightly confused by the whispering. He turned to look at the Doctor surprised to see that he was pale as he leaned against the wall. He looked like he wanted to run but as he turned to do so his feet gave out and he collapsed to the ground. Jack was unable to catch him in time causing the Doctor's head to hit the floor with a sickening sound. He rushed over to the Doctor, concerned as he didn't immediately start to come around. "Doc, can you hear me."

Swearing lightly, Jack checked the Doctor for any injuries to his neck or spine. Not finding any, he scooped the Doctor up racing towards the TARDIS again as quickly as he dared. It had been over one hundred years since he had last seen the Doctor but his key was still on his chain in the hopes that one day he would be invited back into the TARDIS. Now, he didn't worry about an invitation as he let himself on carrying the Doctor straight through to the medi-bay. He raced to the nearest bed laying the unconscious man on it.

"Oh you idiot," Jack sighed as he read the information the TARDIS provided. The Doctor's body was weak and his hearts were under undue stress. The shock of finding out that Jack worked for the people responsible for him losing Rose had been too much on his weak body and caused him to collapse but anything could have triggered it if he had kept pushing himself. He claimed that he just needed tea but what he really needed was rest and to be cared for while his body recovered. Jack was tempted to walk away instead he headed to the cabinet to get an IV and a clean gown as he made the decision to stay.


	11. Chapter 11

Jack set an IV for the Doctor but beyond that he wasn't sure how to help the hurting Time Lord. He knew little about his biology except that his body temperature was lower than a human's and that he had two hearts. He also knew that he was a touch telepath but he wasn't sure how that would help him treat the Doctor. The Time Lord had always been secretive about his own medical needs and Jack didn't know what medicine he was allergic to and he didn't want to accidentally kill him while trying to help him. He heard a click and looked over to see a drawer beside the bed open. Inside of it was a prefilled syringe of medicine. He reached for it, stroking the TARDIS wall as he did.

"I knew I could count on you to help him, sweetheart," he flirted with her. The TARDIS hummed through him and he smiled as he turned to the Doctor. "Now the question is do I give this to him through the IV or does it go into a muscle?" He felt a nudging to look at the monitor and saw her displaying information. He read it over then carefully inserted the medication into the IV. Now all he could do was wait for the medication to work. He monitored the Doctor directly for a little while but soon grew bored of standing there and watching the Doctor sleep. He moved around the medi-bay snooping but there was nothing of interest in the room that he hadn't already explored during his first stay on the TARDIS.

The room was too quiet beyond the gentle hum of the TARDIS and the steady breathing of the Doctor as he slept. He was alone with his thoughts and the quiet was making him tired. He stifled a yawn with the back of his hand as he continued to move around the medi-bay just trying to wake up a little. It wasn't working and he found himself yawning again. He looked at the second bed that was in the room. A few hours of sleep wouldn't hurt and he would be in the same room as the hurting Time Lord in case he was needed. His mind made up, he went over to the second bed climbing up on it. It seemed as if he had just closed his eyes when he was awoken.

"Rose, no Rose come back," the Doctor cried out in his sleep. Jack got quickly out of bed going over to him.

"Shhh, it's alright," Jack cooed softly running his fingers through the Doctor's hair. The Doctor calmed at his touch settling back down into a deeper sleep. Turning away Jack started back to his own bed.

"No, please," the Doctor whimpered. Jack sighed. He returned to the Doctor's side. It was on the third time that he tried to walk away that he gave up.

"I hope you don't hate me in the morning, Doc," Jack whispered as he climbed up on the bed with the Time Lord. He pulled the Doctor carefully into his arms, being careful not to snag the IV as he cuddled him close. The Doctor didn't stir again as he was held allowing Jack to drift off once more as he

provided the comfort the Time Lord needed to sleep.

The Doctor woke feeling arms wrapped around him. He didn't have to open his eyes to know that despite his dreams Rose hadn't returned to him. For one, he could sense the wrongness that was Jack surrounding him. For another, there was a certain appendage that was currently pressing again his clothed bottom that he was sure Rose didn't have. At least he was fairly sure as they had never slept together in that way since Kiam's conception. He missed her so much still and he wished he could have made things right before she was taken from him. Now Kiam was going to grow up without his mother, that is if he even survived at all. He couldn't help the tears that started to fall and he sniffled.

"It's going to be alright," Jack spoke up automatically trying to comfort the ailing Doctor not realizing that he had finally woke up.

"No, it's not because she's gone and I tried to bring her back but I was always too late. The cracks were almost closed by the time I found them and I was only able to tell her goodbye," the Doctor sobbed. He felt Jack pull him a little closer and the gentle caress of Jack's fingers running through his hair.

"I know you loved her, Doc. That was obvious to me the first time I saw you together. I had never transported anyone before who failed to notice but you two only had eyes for each other and even back then I knew I would never get the dance I hoped for. Only, you know as well as I do that our lives are long and theirs are fleeting. I will do everything that I can to help you find her but if she is truly gone, then the only thing we can do is cherish the memories we were able to make. Then we learn to move on again because she wouldn't want you to hurt yourself in this way. She would want you out running among the stars just like you used to," Jack told him softly.

"I know and I am trying to Jack but everything I do reminds me of her. I can hardly even bring myself to visit our child because he reminds me of just what I lost," the Doctor responded. Jack's fingers paused briefly at the mention of a child but he quickly recovered.

"You have a child together?" Jack questioned.

"We do. His name is Kiam but he is so sick, Jack that I don't know if he is going to make it and I can't bear to lose him as well," the Doctor admitted.

"If he is sick, he needs you to be there for him, Doctor, regardless of how hard it is. If it would make things easier, I can go with you to visit him," Jack informed the Doctor. He couldn't help feeling curious about the child especially because he didn't think the Doctor was a sexual man. He wanted to see the child for himself and prove that it was real.

"I would like that," the Doctor agreed to start to move to stand up. Jack moved his hand firmly to the Doctor's shoulder.

"I know I said he needs you but you need to rest first. Your body is still healing from your collapse and the last thing you need is to cause yourself more harm. Rest and once you are feeling better you can take me to see your son," Jack informed him. The Doctor nodded. He didn't need to Jack to tell him he needed to rest as he could feel his body was weak and his right heart was strained. It wouldn't hurt him to rest for a while longer then he would take the Captian to see his son. He let his eyes close again and once more his final thought was of Rose as he drifted back to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

The next time the Doctor woke he was alone in his bed. He could sense that Jack was still nearby, having probably step out of the room to use the loo or get a drink. That was alright as he laid there with his eyes closed not wanting to alert the Captain to the fact that he was awake yet. He knew that he should get up, though. That he should move the TARDIS to in front of the hospital so that they could rest throughout the night and see his son come morning but he wasn't ready to face that yet. Despite his weak body and aching heart he just wanted to run. Run as fast and as far as his legs could carry him until he was free from the pain that he was carrying and the regret that Rose wouldn't get to watch their son grow.

He bit back a sob as her name drifted to the forefront of his mind again. He missed her so badly that he wanted to tear apart the seams of the universe just to have the chance to hold her in his arms for a minute longer. He couldn't do it, though. He couldn't destroy the universe to save one person or he would have long ago in order to save his family from the destruction of his planet. He also wasn't stupid, even if Rose had stayed with him there was no guarantee how many years they would have together. They had been fighting a lot before the sudden birth of their son and regardless of whether or not he survived that pain they carried would one day need to be addressed. They would have had to sit down and talk about the night they couldn't remember and the blame they both refused to admit. He pushed the thought aside as he reached out finding the needle buried in his arm. He slowly pulled it out, throwing it to the floor as he forced himself to sit up. He didn't need the IV anymore. What he needed was to shower and dress before dropping Jack off back in Cardiff. Once free of a companion he was going to take himself to a random planet and run until he couldn't anymore. Then maybe he would finally be free of the curse to live on by himself with no planet to call his home.

"Shut up," he told the TARDIS as she hummed at him. He knew she was trying to stop him but that wasn't what he wanted. He had already been forced to rest and now he wanted to hurt again. Going into the ensuite, he washed quickly before dressing in his suit. Upon exiting he found Jack was sitting on the edge of his bed waiting for him.

"You should still be resting," Jack chastised him softly.

"I'm done resting," the Doctor responded as he moved to the door of his room. Jack stood up immediately following him out into the corridors. "I know I told you I was going to take you to see my son but plans have changed. I need to go off on my own so I am going to leave you here in Cardiff for a while instead."

"No," Jack informed him. The Doctor didn't pause in his step as he made it out to the control room.

"I could just leave you in space instead," the Doctor threatened. Jack rolled his eyes at the Doctor's back but kept his voice calm as his spoke to the Time Lord again.

"You could but you aren't going to do that either. You came to me for help and I am sorry Doctor, but I am not leaving your side right now. Not only because I don't trust that you are going to take care of yourself but I saw that look in your eyes as you came out of the ensuite," Jack told him. The Doctor finally turned to look at Jack. He tried to make himself look bored as he crossed his arms leaning against the console.

"What look?" He questioned.

"The look of a man who has nothing else to lose. I have a horrible feeling that if I leave you here today, I am never going to see you alive again and I can't let that happen. So if I go back to Torchwood today, you are going to be coming with me because I am not letting you out of my sight. You can fight me every step of the way but I am not going to be leaving this TARDIS without you until I know that you are going to be alright," Jack advised him.

"I could dematerialize her around you and force you to stay," the Doctor answered him calmly. Jack nodded.

"I am sure you could. So why don't you then? Go on, dematerialize around me, and leave me behind," Jack taunted him. He had no doubt in his mind that the Doctor could leave him behind if he really wanted to. He was confident though that the TARDIS wasn't going to let that happen. The Doctor needed help that she wasn't able to give him and Jack could feel her pushing up against the barriers in his mind giving him gentle reassurance even as he stood against the Doctor.

The Doctor swore colorfully as he reset the coordinates on the console and pulled the handbrake. The TARDIS shuddered violently but Jack could tell from a quick glance at the screen that they hadn't moved. The Doctor tried it again and still the TARDIS refused to allow him to move. He swore colorfully again as he grabbed onto the console before kicking it several times. The thumping of the metal echoed through the control room along with the Doctor's screams of pain and anger. Jack moved closer ready to stop the Doctor from hurting himself worse but the Doctor moved away before he could flopping down on to the captain's chair. Tears lined his pale cheeks and he was breathing heavily as he lifted his foot up into his lap rubbing his toes through his shoe. Jack moved closer to him bending down so that he was eye level with the Time Lord.

"I know you need to run. You need to run further and faster than you have ever ran before but right now that isn't going to happen. The TARDIS is worried about you and I have the feeling that the only place she is going to let you go right now is to the hospital to see your son. So why don't you take us there and then we can have them check your foot for broken bones as well as run a scan on your hearts before we go see the baby," Jack told him. The Doctor looked up at him. The fury in his eyes was clear but there was a pain behind them that told Jack everything he needed to know. The Doctor was going to fight him but it was only because he didn't know how to accept the help he needed. He was in pain both mentally and physically, his body was wearing down and yet he was still fighting to hurt himself rather than just allowing Jack to care for him again.

"My foot is fine," the Doctor lied as he stopped rubbing his toes. Jack gently placed his hand on the Doctor's foot and he hissed as he pulled away.

"I can see that," Jack replied. He knew even without medical training that the Doctor would have bruised his foot and he wouldn't be surprised if the Doctor had at least a couple of broken toes with how hard he was kicking the console. He gently took the Doctor's foot in his hand and the Doctor didn't fight him as Jack guided it to rest on his own leg. He carefully untied the Doctor's converse taking them all the way down to the toes before gently slipping the shoe off and setting it aside. The Doctor still hissed in pain but didn't try to pull away as Jack did the same with his sock rolling it down and off. The Doctor's toes were already turning dark from the bruising with a lighter tinge to the outside. Jack carefully tested each toe not finding any breaks but the Doctor's foot had to be sore.

"I don't think you broke anything but you did deeply bruise your toes. I recommend that you keep your foot elevated for the next few days and stay off of it as much as possible," Jack advised him.

"Can't. I told you I have to much to do," the Doctor answered defiantly.

"The only thing you have to do is make your way back to your bed. We will put your IV back in so that you can get the rest of the medicine you need and I will give you a mild pain killer for your foot as well as ice," Jack told him. Jack stood offering the Doctor his hand but the Doctor made no move to take it. Not deterred Jack bent down and picked the Doctor up throwing him over his shoulder. The Doctor squirmed fighting as he was carried down the corridor to his room and dumped unceremoniously on the bed. "You have five minutes to change back into your pajamas while I get you ice for your foot."

"And if I don't?" the Doctor asked.

"You already know the answer to that," Jack advised him. He turned to leave the Doctor's room and going to the medi-bay to get the pain pills before going to the kitchen for tea and ice. It took a little longer than five minutes to gather what he needed but by the time he returned the Doctor was sitting in his pajamas in his bed. He didn't fight as Jack gave him the pain pills and tea. He then placed the ice on the Doctor's foot before resetting the IV in his arm. The Doctor was quiet the entire time not looking at Jack as he was tended to. Once finished Jack took a seat on the edge of the bed so that he could look at the Doctor. "I know the pain is easier and if you stop again you have to deal with what happened. I am going to help you get through this even if I have to fight you every step of the way. So rest now and when you wake again we will go see your son together."

The Doctor nodded. He didn't speak as he handed Jack the teacup and then snuggled down into his blankets. A part of him wanted to jump to his feet. To scream his pain at the universe as he ran but another part of him just wanted to be taken care of. To lie quietly here in his room and allow Jack to face the universe for him until he was ready to do it on his own again. Reaching out his hand, he placed it gently on Jack's hand squeezing softly. Jack gripped his hand back holding it as the Doctor turned his head to stare at the wall. He wasn't tired enough to sleep but he closed his eyes to rest as he turned his thoughts once more to Rose.


	13. Chapter 13

The Doctor eventually let his eyes close slowly as he loosened his grip on Jack's hand. He kept his breathing as even as possible as he waited for Jack to believe that he was truly asleep and let his guard down. He had already seen that guard wavering as he had dressed in his pajamas without further argument before allowing Jack to set the IV once more and provide him pills for the pain his body was in. Pills that were currently melting the bottom of his forgotten tea as he didn't want to end the pain he was in. At least not in that way. So he waited quietly until he heard Jack stand up stretching with a soft moan. He listened to Jack's footsteps moving away from the bed and out the door to his room before he opened his eyes a crack. Seeing he was alone, he moved quickly as he threw the blanket aside and retrieved his suit. Keeping one eye on the door, he took out the IV throwing it aside as he dressed in just his trousers and overshirt. He pulled on his converse ignoring the screaming pain in his toes before hurrying out of his room and out to the control room. The TARDIS wasn't going to let him pilot her but that was alright as he didn't need to leave Cardiff in order to get what he wanted.

"Doctor?" Jack called out from the corridor but he was too late to stop the Doctor from grabbing his coat as he slipped out the doors closing them behind him. The day was bright and sunny now but he barely noticed as he took the sonic from his pocket aiming it at the doors using it to throw the lock. It wouldn't stop Jack completely because the switch to open the doors again was located on the console but it would slow him down allowing the Doctor time to getaway. He didn't look at the blue box as he ignored the pain in his foot and hurried as fast as he could away from the Plas. He didn't slow down until he was several blocks away and sure that Jack wouldn't catch up to him right away. Slowing his pace, he tried not to limp as he made his way to an ATM. It was child's play for him to get the machine to dispense cash for him. Normally he didn't bother with such trivial matters but psychic paper only got him so far sometimes.

He kept one eye out for Jack as he continued on his mission going to the nearest place that sold alcohol and buying several bottles of brandy. He didn't return to the TARDIS right away as he turned down one of the alleys finding a quiet place where he could be alone. His heart had a strange ache to it and his toes throbbed painfully but that didn't stop him from opening one of the bottles and taking a large drink of the liquid followed by a second one. He stood in the alley draining half of the bottle and feeling it sit heavy in his stomach. He put the bottle back in the bag before walking back out onto the street and finally making his way back to the Plas where his TARDIS was sitting. He could feel the alcohol beginning to affect his weakened body and he welcomed it as he approached the blue box.

The TARDIS hummed angrily at him as he let himself back in but he ignored her. He threw his coat over the coral before stumbling up the ramp and into the corridors. He still wasn't sure where Jack was, nor did he care at the moment. He pulled out the open bottle drinking it as he made his way to his room. He dumped the remaining bottles of alcohol into a drawer by his bed but kept the open one with him. He wasn't sure if he would need the rest of them but he bought them anyway just in case this one didn't work. He finished the bottle as he made his way to the pool. Throwing the bottle aside, he heard the glass shatter as he walked to the edge. He was still completely dressed as he dove in swimming out to the middle. He closed his eyes as he sunk down to the bottom and sat there. His hearts beat in his ears and his stomach churned from the large amount of alcohol that he had consumed in such a short time. His foot throbbed painfully and his heart ached but he forced himself to sit there as he respiratory bypass kicked in. He just wanted a moment of peace away from the universe and he waited for his bypass to be depleted so that he could find it.

-DW-

Jack swore loudly and colorfully as he realized that the Time Lord had tricked him. He should have known that the man was being too compliant after the fit he threw in the control room but a part of him wanted to believe that the Doctor was just tired. That he would feel better after he rested and received the rest of the medication that he needed to help his abused body. The Doctor was clever, though, and he was gone by the time Jack figured out how to open the doors to the TARDIS. Rather than choose a random direction Jack decided to be smart about it returning to Torchwood in order to use their cameras to search for the Time Lord. He was angry at himself for being so stupid and swore if he found the man alive he wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

"Found him," Tosh announced a few minutes later. Jack hurried over to her watching along with her as she tracked the Doctor leaving the Plas. It was clear to Jack that the Doctor was in pain as he had a slight limp even as he hurried away from the TARDIS. Knowing the direction he went, made it easier for Tosh to track him as he moved down several streets before finally slowing his pace.

"What are you up to?" Jack questioned feeling helpless as he watched the Doctor move down the street. He was confused as the Doctor stopped at an ATM to steal money but his motives were soon clear as he went into a shop. He came out with a large bag in his arms that he carried with him. Jack felt his heart-stopping as the Doctor turned down an alley and they lost sight of him again.

"I'm sorry Jack but there is no camera that faces that way," Tosh apologized as she tried desperately to locate the Time Lord again.

"I should have gone after him," Jack told her. He started to run from the room but Tosh stopped him as she was able to get a visual on the Time Lord again. He had a slight sway to his step now but it was clear to both of them that he was heading back to the TARDIS. Jack waited until the Doctor entered the Plas before going out to meet him. He was just in time to see the Doctor disappear back onto the blue box and he hurried across the Plas ready to join him. He entered the TARDIS just moments after the Doctor but the Time Lord was already out of his sight again.

"Will you show me where he is?" Jack questioned and the TARDIS hummed at him as she blew warm air at him. Following her directions, he was led to the swimming pool. His heart felt as if it had stopped as he looked into the water and saw the Doctor sitting on the bottom. He quickly pulled his coat off ready to dive in and save his friend but the TARDIS stopped him with a burst of cool air. He felt her reaching out to calm his mind allowing him to stop and assess the situation after his moment of panic at seeing his friend beneath the water. The Doctor was sitting peacefully with his eyes closed and his legs crossed. He wasn't panicking and there was no trace of bubbles coming from his mouth or nose indicating that he hadn't released the air in his lungs. Jack knew from their short time together that the Doctor could hold his breath for a while and he had only been about a minute behind the Time Lord. The TARDIS also wasn't pushing Jack to save him meaning that he was into immediate danger. As much as Jack wanted to dive in and pull the Time Lord out there was no need to save him quite yet. Fighting his urge to dive in, he instead took off his coat and shoes before taking a seat at the edge of the pool letting his feet dangle in the cool water.

He lost track of how much time passed as he waited impatiently for the Doctor to surface. The entire time he stared at him as he thought about what he could say to the Doctor to finally get him to listen but no words of comfort would come. The Doctor was heartbroken over losing the one person who gave him life again after he lost everyone he ever knew and loved in that terrible war. Not even the child the Doctor said needed him was enough to help pull him out of the depression that he had slipped into. Jack knew the feeling of wanting to die but being unable to reach that final goal. He to had refused the pills that would have helped make life a little easier and in the end had lost years with people that he would never be able to get back. Now he clung to every moment he had with those he loved as he knew their short time with him was going to be a memory he would cherish one day.

His thoughts were brought back to the Time Lord as a slew of bubbles broke the surface. He stood again, ready to dive in and pull the Doctor out but he made his own decision to push himself to the surface before Jack had the chance. Jack heard him take a sharp gasping breath in as his head broke the surface of the water followed by several coughs and another gasping breath. He was sputtering water as he pushed himself towards the side and Jack went around to meet him. There was no surprise in the Doctor's eyes as Jack met him at the edge pulling him out of the pool. He didn't bother to try to move as he let his body lay on the cool stone that surrounded the pool as he tried desperately to catch his breath. Jack took a seat on the ground next to him but the Doctor didn't bother to look at Jack. He waited for Jack to scream at him for being stupid but when Jack finally did start to speak his voice was calm and almost sad sounding.

"I don't know what to say to help you. I sat here watching you at the bottom of the pool trying to come up with the right words but I know nothing I say will change your mind once you make the decision to kill yourself. Whether it is later today, tomorrow, or even next week, I have no doubt that you will find a way to accomplish it. Only, you leaving this universe is the easy part. You take your final breath, close your eyes and that is the end of it for you. It is the rest of us who have to live on. We are the ones who have to bury you and tell the ones who you were closest to on earth that you finally managed to pass on. Who play over and over in our heads the words we could have said to help you find your way back and weather the storm that you couldn't find peace from. It will be your son who grows up not knowing who his real mother or father was or the difficulties he will have to face being part Time Lord. I wonder if he will even survive long enough to know," Jack told him. The Doctor didn't speak as Jack turned to look at him.

"I know hurting yourself is easier. Believe me, I have been there. I have used everything you can think of to dull my senses for just a minute so that I didn't have to think of the fact that I lost my wife and child on the same day. My daughter, Emily, was born too soon, and back then they didn't have the technology to save her. Nor could they save my wife as she passed from childbirth. I wanted to die back then and I even tried to accomplish it. I probably even succeeded but I didn't know then I was immortal and had no choice but to keep going. We both have survived more than anyone else should ever have to endure and have walked on alone when we wanted to just give up. I know it hurts, Doctor, and I know you are afraid that if you stop for even one moment you will have to face all of that pain. I can help you, though. I can help you be strong and carry you as far as you need me too until you are ready to face the universe again but I am not going to just let you die. Not today, not like this."

The Doctor didn't answer him as he finally turned his own eyes to look at the Captain. Jack cared deeply for him, maybe even loved him, and had taken care of him without question since he was his friend. As repayment, he had run from the Captain and considered taking his own life again when all Jack wanted to do was to help him. He had no doubt that left on his own he would try again here soon as he still couldn't imagine facing the universe alone.

"I'm sorry," he whispered finally, his voice hoarse as he pushed himself to finally sit up.

"I know," Jack responded. He got to his feet holding out his hand to help the Doctor up. The Doctor didn't take it as he twisted away suddenly before his stomach rejected all of the alcohol he had forced into it. He coughed and gagged as he was sick over and over again. Finally, with his stomach empty he turned back to Jack reaching for his hand. Jack helped the Doctor to his feet and the Time Lord swayed leaning heavily against him as the alcohol continued to cloud his mind. "You need a hot shower then I am tucking you into bed. I am warning you now that if you try anything this stupid again, I won't hesitate to handcuff you to the bed until I can trust you again.

"Fine," the Doctor sighed to sore and drunk to argue. He allowed Jack to lead him back to his room and into the ensuite. For the first time since he met Jack, he could see no sign of lust or flirtation as he looked at him. Instead, all he saw was a sadness in his friend's eyes that he had put there as he helped the Doctor to strip out of his wet clothes and put him into the shower. The Doctor was unbalanced as he washed himself and Jack had to help him out of the shower as he almost tripped over the side. Somehow they made it back to his bed where he fell heavily upon it. Jack helped him into the middle before throwing a blanket over him.

"Go to sleep now and I will be right here the entire time if you need me," Jack snapped softly at him. Too drunk and tired to argue, he let his eyes drift closed and he hoped silently that his sleep was a dreamless one.


	14. Chapter 14

The Doctor got his wish for what seemed like a peaceful sleep for the first hour. Jack watched over him the entire time not wanting to leave his side as he worried that the Doctor would return to the pool to once more try to end his life. He also desperately wanted to medicate the Doctor in order to continue to help him heal his heart and his body but he feared the alcohol would have a negative reaction with the medication so he kept the IV out for the time being. Instead, he just stared at the lost heart-broken man as he wondered how he could possibly help him and if he was really the right man for the job. Regardless of the differences they shared, the Doctor had allowed him to travel with him in the TARDIS. While he had left him behind, he had still returned to Jack for company and Jack had the feeling that he always would. He resisted the urge to climb up in the bed with the Doctor, not knowing how the Time Lord would take it in his drunken state as he waited for the Doctor to need him.

At the approach of the second hour, the Doctor started mumbling in his sleep. It was clear that he was still deeply under and talking to himself was nothing new. The Time Lord talked more than anyone else he knew and wasn't really surprised to find that he talked in his sleep in his last body as well. It wasn't long after the talking started that he began thrashing on the bed screams filling the once quiet room as night terrors too over his peaceful sleep. Jack had witnessed them before from the Time Lord and as much as he wanted to comfort the hurting man, he knew it was best to keep his distance. During a night terror, the Doctor would have no way of knowing that the person next to him was trying to help him and could lash out unexpectedly. Jack also knew from experience that as hard as they were to watch, it was best just to let the night terror run its course and talk to the Doctor in the morning if he was willing.

Jack wondered sometimes when the nightmares turned into the terrors that he witnessed during his travels with the Doctor. It wasn't unusual for a human with PTSD to experience them and he wouldn't be surprised if the same was true for Time Lords. The Doctor, though, didn't like to admit mental health problems that put him on the same level of what he called apes so he adamantly denied having PTSD, depression, or anything else that would make him less superior to humans. In the end, Jack had stopped asking.

"Help me," The Doctor screamed as he flung himself sideways on the bed. The pillow that had been under his head was thrown across the room and sonic was quickly in his hand. His eyes popped open but they were unseeing as he held the sonic out in front of him. It buzzed and a light popped causing Jack to jump. The Doctor though fell back as his eyes closed and he thrashed on the bed.

"You really should try to calm down, Doc as I doubt the strain is good for your heart," Jack sighed knowing the Doctor couldn't hear him. The screaming continued until the Doctor's eyes popped open again. A sheen of sweat decorated his forehead and he barely had time to roll to his side and hang his head off the bed before he was sick again. Jack moved to the Doctor's side rubbing his back softly as the Doctor coughed and gagged. The Doctor took a deep shuddering breath as his stomach finally stop trying to force everything he ever ate out of it and he rolled onto his back again.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor whispered his voice hoarse from the last few hours.

"You have nothing to apologize for at the moment," Jack reassured him. The Doctor looked at him his brow furrowed with confusion. Jack chuckled before continuing. "Believe me Doctor, I understand night terrors and wanting to drink to forget the pain. I even understand trying to end it but I also know trying to reason with a drunk man is pointless so any discussion is best suited for morning."

"I wasn't trying to end it," the Doctor huffed indignantly.

"Then what were you doing sitting at the bottom of the pool?" Jack asked him patiently.

"Trying to stop my brain. I just wanted to stop thinking for just a moment," the Doctor admitted.

"And you thought trying to drown yourself was the best way to accomplish that?" Jack asked him in disbelief.

"It worked before," the Doctor huffed. Jack stared at him as his jaw dropped in surprise at the Doctor's answer. It wasn't the fact that he tried before that shocked him but the fact that the Doctor was actually admitting that this wasn't his first suicide attempt.

"How many times have you tried?" Jack asked him. The Doctor just stared at him not answering as they lapsed into silence. Drunk or not, Jack really didn't want the conversation to end yet so he rephrased his question. "How many times have you used the water to clear your mind?"

"Three, but the first time wasn't on purpose. I was beneath the Thames when it flooded the old Torchwood building," the Doctor explained. Jack didn't tell him that he already knew that. That he had been keeping an eye on the Doctor through the CCTV located around London and had worked out he was responsible. He had also looked in the woman who had helped him. He wondered if he should tell the Doctor that the red-headed woman was looking for him but decided to let it go for now.

"I shouldn't have to tell you but tonight was the last time as well. We are going to find a better way for you to stop your mind for a minute then trying to walk the line between life and death," Jack informed him. The Doctor visibly rolled his eyes at Jack.

"And I suppose you are going to be the one to stop me," the Doctor snipped.

"If I have to," Jack agreed calmly. The Doctor glared at him with all the anger of the oncoming storm and Jack sighed. "This is why I didn't want to have this conversation while you are drunk. So instead of continuing to argue, I am going to make you a nice hot cuppa for your throat then you can go back to sleep for a few hours."

"I'm not tired," the Doctor answered immediately.

"Of course you're not," Jack sighed. He left the room briefly making sure to close the door behind him and give the TARDIS a command not to open it again for her drunk owner. She hummed her agreement allowing Jack to make his way to the kitchen. He took his time breathing deep and calming down as he made both the Doctor and himself a hot drink. Returning to the Doctor's room, the TARDIS allowed him to open the doors again and step inside. The Doctor was no longer awake as he laid sprawled out on the bed. The blanket had slipped to the side and Jack took a moment to set the drinks down as well as admire the Doctor's bare arse before fixing the blanket back over him. He then picked up his own drink again before taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

The rest of the night passed slowly as the Doctor woke up screaming again. He was shaking uncontrollably as he tried once more to catch his breath. Jack didn't even think about the consequences of his actions as he climbed up on the bed next to the Doctor wrapping him in his arms. The Doctor turned to cling to the Captain, seeking his comfort as he tried to push the dream away. In it, he had once more been in Torchwood one only this time they had his son and he couldn't save the baby. He had to remind himself that Kiam was safe at the hospital and that Torchwood had no way of getting to him. Still, he wouldn't be able to calm down until he saw the baby for himself.

"I am going to move the TARDIS now," the Doctor informed Jack as he pulled away from the comforting arms.

"You're in no condition to drive, Doc," Jack answered and the Doctor made a rude noise with his mouth.

"Please, a little bit of alcohol isn't enough to keep me drunk until morning. Besides, I am going to be a good boy and just move the TARDIS to the hospital so that I can see my son," the Doctor responded as he started to dress. He was still shaking horribly and Jack stood going to him. The Doctor didn't want Jack's help but didn't push him away as he got dressed in his suit. He fixed his hair and put on his red converse to go with the brown suit. Once dressed, he headed out to the control room. The TARDIS allowed him to make the quick trip back to the hospital and he parked her in the now familiar spot. He broke Rose's rule by skipping the night but he swore silently that it would only be the once as he desperately needed to see the child.

Jack walked beside him as they entered the hospital and the Doctor led the way through the corridors. They stopped off at a nurse's station to sign in and Jack was added to the registry as the child's uncle. They were then let into the locked area where another nurse greeted the Doctor. He was given a quick update about his son before they were finally allowed into the room where his baby was sleeping. Jack didn't know what to expect as he followed the Doctor in but it wasn't the tiny infant who was barely clinging onto life. The Doctor took a seat in the rocking chair opening his shirt in the process. As Jack watched on a second nurse took the infant out of the incubator and carefully laid him on the Doctor's chest. She made sure that all the wires were untangled and the tubes were running clearly before stepping aside and letting the Doctor have a moment alone with his child.

"Jack, I would like you to meet my son Kiam," the Doctor told him as he cuddled the tiny infant. Jack stood there speechless but the Doctor didn't seem to notice as he lifted his hand so that he could take Kiam's fingers carefully in his own. His tone changed to a soft coo as he moved his head closer to the baby. "Kiam, this is your Uncle Jack."


	15. Chapter 15

The Doctor was still cooing at his son but Jack no longer heard him as he stared at the two of them. His own mind was transported to a small wooden cabin over a hundred years ago where he held his own premature daughter in his arms. He told her how much he loved her as he thought of all the things that he would never get to experience with her. He was so focused on the baby in his arms that he didn't notice his wife was struggling and he barely managed to tell her goodbye. It was only later as he helped to dig the holes that they would be buried in that he realized that his daughter had never even opened her eyes. A thought that would stick with him to this day as he watched the Doctor interact with his son.

Leaning over, he looked at the baby's face. Relief filled him as he saw Kiam's eyes were open as he rested against his daddy's chest. His hands though were covered so that he couldn't pull wires and therefore he was unable to grasp the Doctor's finger that was holding his own. The thought of him being unable to hold the Doctor back made tears prickle at the back of Jack's eyes and he turned his head away. He wasn't going to let any tears escape as he had to be strong for the Time Lord who was hurting. He would make sure that he was able to care for his son and travel the universe on his own again before leaving his side. Even if he had to carry him in order to accomplish it.

"Jack," the Doctor spoke up. Jack wiped at his face quickly before plastering a fake smile on his face and turning to look at the Doctor.

"Yes, Doc?" Jack wondered softly. His voice sounded hoarse and he cleared his throat loudly before the Doctor could speak.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know about your daughter before I went to you," the Doctor apologized.

"It was a long time ago," Jack informed him.

"I understand that but I know what it is like to lose a child and that even after all these years it still hurts. For that I am sorry," the Doctor replied. Jack didn't know how to responded. While he knew that the Doctor had been both a father and a grandfather before the terrible war that took them all away, it was rare to hear him speak of his children. Instead, he held that pain away from his companions as he ran to escape it. The only time he even talked about the three sons he had lost was when he was too drunk to hold his tongue and Jack never pressed him for information or repeated the conversations come morning.

"Thanks," Jack muttered after a long moment of silence.

"Would you like to hold him?" the Doctor offered. Jack shook his head no.

"Maybe another time but it is obvious that you need this time with him today," Jack answered. The Doctor couldn't help the small smile that briefly crossed his face at the words. It meant that even if he didn't want Jack to stay sometimes he really wasn't planning on leaving him. He was going to stay and help him until he was well enough to care for his son on his own again. Then, well he wasn't really sure what would come next. He hoped silently that Jack would still stay and travel the universe with him but Jack had a life at Torchwood now and people who probably depended on him.

"I really don't mind. Your artron fueled body would probably feel good to his cooler skin helping to calm him for longer," the Doctor answered. Jack sighed as he moved to sit next to the Doctor in a chair opening up his own shirt so that the child could rest against his bare chest. The Doctor was gentle as he passed the tiny infant over to him and getting him settled. The baby's skin was warmer than the Doctor's but still cooler than a human's. He made a stranger whimpering noise as he was moved but quickly calmed down again as he relaxed into Jack's arms. Jack, though, sat stiffly in the chair. While it wasn't the first time that he held an infant it had been a long time since he held one that was so fragile and he couldn't help but worry he was going to accidentally hurt Kiam.

The Doctor didn't seem to notice nor care Jack was so rigid as he brushed his fingers across Kiam's temples feeling his mind. Kiam wasn't able to connect with him properly and the Doctor wasn't completely sure why. It could have been because he was premature but it could have also been caused by his human side. Only time would tell if Kiam developed into a touch telepath like his father or remained mind blind to those around him. For now, the Doctor gently touched the fringes of his mind encouraging connection and reassuring his son that he was there for him by passing feelings of love through the connection.

Jack only held the child for a short time before giving him back to his father. The Doctor held Kiam for as long as he could but soon the baby grew agitated and he had no choice but to return him to the incubator. They still stayed with the infant until visiting hours were over and then reluctantly the two men returned to the TARDIS to wait for morning. Jack didn't leave the Doctor's side as he followed him around the endless corridors. The TARDIS had hidden the swimming pool from her ailing driver and on three occasions they found the kitchen but the Doctor refused to eat as he just wanted to keep moving. If he stopped then he would have to think and he didn't want to think about everyone and everything he lost or the little boy who was waiting for him to return come morning so he kept moving. As the night went on, though, he returned to his room to retrieve a bottle of brandy from the nightstand next to his bed. Jack frowned as he saw there were several other bottles in the drawer but didn't have time to count them before the Doctor slammed the drawer shut hiding them from his view.

"Is that really a good idea, Doc?" Jack wondered as the Doctor opened the bottle bringing it to his lips. The Doctor stared Jack in the eyes as he swallowed several mouthfuls of the liquid before lowering the bottle.

"Are you going to stop me?" he asked Jack even if the answer was obvious.

"No, but whenever you want to talk about what happened, I will be here for you," Jack offered.

"I don't need to talk," the Doctor replied bringing the bottle back to his mouth as he took a seat on the edge of his bed.

"Obviously," Jack answered rolling his eyes as he settled into the chair once more and prepared himself for another long night.


	16. Chapter 16

The next two days were the same with their days being spent at the hospital caring for the infant and their nights back on the TARDIS. The Doctor ate very little during that time choosing instead to fill his stomach with tea or alcohol. It didn't stop Jack from trying to offer him a piece of toast from his own breakfast or a couple of bites from the sandwich he got from the cafeteria. The Doctor indulged him by taking half a slice of toast at one point nibbling it but it was clear from the way his cheeks were starting to sink in that he wasn't getting nearly the amount of nourishment that he needed from the alcohol and the small amount of sugar that he was putting in his tea causing Jack to worry endlessly about him.

It didn't help that Jack spent his nights in a chair beside the bed watching the Doctor suffer from Night Terrors. He screamed, thrashed, clawed, and fought unknown opponents as he was supposed to be resting. It was clear the endless night terrors were getting to him as well as his eyes were sunken from the lack of restful sleep with bags beneath them. Jack quickly understood just how far his friend had fallen with the loss of Rose and knew in his heart that if he hadn't chosen to go with him he would have never seen him alive again as the Doctor would have one day found the courage to take that final breath under the water. Jack was thankful that the pool still remained hidden from them but he had no doubt that the Doctor would take whatever opportunity presented itself so he kept a constant eye on the Time Lord to make sure that he didn't get the chance.

"Do you have to follow me into the loo?" the Doctor asked in annoyance as leaned against the door trying not to watch the Doctor standing by the toilet. It wasn't the first time Jack had followed him and the Doctor questioned it every single time.

"Just pretend that I'm not here," Jack replied as normal. The Doctor rolled his eyes as he turned his body slightly so Jack was unable to see his front as he unzipped his trousers and relieved himself. Once he was finished he washed his hands before making his way back to his room. He didn't bother to undress as he went over to his bed flopping backward on it and hiding his eyes beneath his arm. Jack took his normal seat in the chair picking up the book he left there.

"You do have your own room still aboard the TARDIS if you want to sleep there tonight," the Doctor informed him. Jack didn't bother to look at him as he opened the book.

"I'm fine sleeping here," Jack answered. It wasn't exactly the truth as he didn't sleep deeply or long while dozing in the chair. It also caused him to wake up with a sore back and neck from falling asleep sitting up. It was a small price to pay to make sure that the Doctor was alive and safe when he woke. Still, he couldn't help the momentary panic he felt every time he woke up until he was able to see or hear that the Doctor was safely asleep in his bed.

"I'm fine, Jack," the Doctor sighed.

"You keep telling me that and maybe one day I will believe you." The Doctor rolled his eyes again as he sat up. He ignored the fact Jack was in the room as he went to his wardrobe changing into a clear pair or pajamas. Returning to his bed, he opened the bottom drawer pulling out the last bottle of brandy that he had placed there several days before.

"I need to go to earth once visiting hours are over tomorrow," The Doctor told Jack.

"Finally run out of the alcohol you hid beside your bed?" Jack questioned as he lowered his book to look at the Time Lord. The Doctor glared at him as he sat down on the edge of the bed and took a drink of the golden-brown alcohol. "Don't give me that look. I know that you bought several bottles before we left earth and hid them here in your room."

"So?"

"So, you have been drinking too much Doctor and I think that you should take a break once you finish the bottle you are currently consuming," Jack explained.

"While I appreciate your concern and your input on my drinking, I didn't actually ask you to travel with me again or ask you to insert yourself into every moment of my life. I have been traveling for over five-hundred-years now and I am more than capable of looking after myself and making my own decisions. I thought that out of all of my companions, you would be the one who understood the difficulty of having a longer life and that sometimes I just need the alcohol in order to be able to sleep at night," The Doctor answered.

"I do. Believe me, Doctor, I have spent a lot of nights with a bottle or glass in my hand in order to help me get to sleep and if it was just the two of us I would let you drink until your heart's content. The problem is that you have a little boy just outside of these walls who is getting stronger by the day. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but soon he is going to be able to come home and he isn't going to understand why he isn't picked up at night because his daddy was too out of it to realize he was crying or why his daddy winces in the morning when he holds him because a toddler can't rationalize what a hangover is," Jack informed him calmly.

"I can stop drinking anytime I choose to," The Doctor told him indignantly. It wasn't true and he knew it. It was going to be hard to give up drinking at night as he had used it as a coping mechanism for several bodies now. As much as he hated to admit it, though, Jack was right. His drinking had gotten out of control lately and it was in the best interest of his son if he just gave it up for now. The problem was he didn't want to.

"Then make the choice to stop now. Put down the bottle," Jack begged silently. The Doctor stared at him as he considered taking another drink just to spite the Captain. Instead, he slammed the bottle angrily on the table before throwing himself sideways on the bed facing away from Jack. "Thank you."

The Doctor didn't answer as he closed his eyes. Without the alcohol to help lull him to sleep, he drifting not quite asleep or awake as he listened to the sound of pages being turned in Jack's book. It was going to be a long night and a longer day and he didn't feel he was ready for it. It's for Kiam, he reminded himself softly and hoped silently that it would be enough.


End file.
